Weight Losing Tips I Can’t Endorse

Weight Losing Tips I Can’t Endorse

This news item is quoted from stuff.com/nz:

“A 26-year-old from Auckland was among nine thrill-seeking runners who were injured, three by goring, in a dangerous last running of the bulls at Spain’s San Fermin festival.

In the bloodiest run of this year’s festival, bulls tossed people on the slippery cobblestone streets of Pamplona, where a red bull at the tail of the pack fell and became separated from the rest, leaving it disoriented and irritated by the large crowds, and causing panic among runners.”

I was going to write another article on the subject of weight losing tips when it suddenly occurred to me that if you collected every weight losing tip out there and lined them up end to end they would reach all the way to my local health club and back. The really meaningful ones I could probably fit onto a 3X5 file card with room left over for my weekend grocery list.

Then I got to thinking about some of the really bad weight losing tips that I’ve heard and since I have not seen such a compilation in the last day or two I thought I would give it a go. So with that in mind, here we go – Weight Losing Tips I Can’t Endorse:

Weight Losing Tip #1

Follow my reasoning here.

Proposition 1: If jogging is a good way to lose weight, then running fast must be even better. Proposition 2: Misinformed people risk their health every single day by subscribing to dangerous fad diets. Proposition 3: Each year thousands of thrill seekers risk life and limb running with the bulls at Pamplona, Spain.

Conclusion: Since fad dieters risk their health anyway, and since running is supposedly an excellent way to lose weight, then the ultimate weight loss program would have to be running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. It combines the risk to one’s health along with the exercise and, like some diet programs even has the potential side effect of death. Just ask ephedra users.

Weight Losing Tip #2

According to MSN Money.com Jenny Craig now charges $359 to lose 30 pounds, not including the food. Nutrisystem’s modest cost for the same 30 pounds: $1199.80, but this does include the food. With these numbers in mind and since money is apparently no object to many people I have come up with a foolproof weightloss/getrichquick scheme,er plan, what I would call the “Diet Wave of the Future” weight loss program.

Here is how it works:

My weight hovers right around 200 pounds, conservatively, at least here on earth. If I traveled to the moon, however, I would only weigh 33.2 pounds, thanks to the lesser gravity, an instant loss of 166.8 pounds! Think of the benefits. No risky diet pills, no boring Weight Watcher’s meetings, no gut wrenching crunches at the local health club, no eating that expensive Jenny Craig food.

Of course there would be a price to pay. Traveling to the moon like we did in 1969, and converting to present day dollars would put the bill at $100 million. That’s just to get there. If I wanted to land and stay awhile and enjoy the new me then add another hundred mil.

The good news is that my “Diet Wave of the Future” weight loss program would only need one member and I could retire. Email me if you’re interested.